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Archive for February, 2011

we are video-skyping

Love heals … even looking at a foto.

I had told you, a few times, how much I love to look at your fotos, for instance this one on the left.

And today you sent this little press clipping.  Now it’s definitely scientific:
You heal me!

Premniri

http://science.gaeatimes.com/2011/02/25/looking-at-a-pic-of-a-loved-one-cuts-pain-by-44pc-32502/

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Beloved ~ Again Osho finds me—us! This, today, from The Hidden Harmony I was listening to with lunch. ~LP

The Lovers, Osho Zen Tarot

The Lovers

Why do we use the term falling in love? It is a falling; you are falling, you are not rising. When you are aware, falling is not possible — not even in love. It is not possible, it is simply not possible. With awareness, it is impossible; you rise in love. And rising in love is a totally different phenomenon from falling in love. Falling in love is a dream state. That’s why people who are in love, you can see it from their eyes: as if they are more asleep than others, intoxicated, dreaming. You can see from their eyes because their eyes have a sleepiness. People who rise in love are totally different. You can see they are no more in a dream, they are facing the reality and they are growing through it.
Falling in love you remain a child; rising in love you mature. And by and by love becomes not a relationship, it becomes a state of your being. Then it is not that you love this and you don’t love that, no — you are simply love. Whosoever comes near you, you share with them. Whatsoever is happening, you give your love to it. You touch a rock and you touch as if you are touching your beloved’s body. You look at the tree and you look as if you are looking at your beloved’s face. It becomes a state of being. Not that you are in love — now you ARE love. This is rising, this is not falling.
Love is beautiful when you rise through it, and love becomes dirty and ugly when you fall through it. And sooner or later you will find that it proves poisonous, it becomes a bondage. You have been caught in it, your freedom has been crushed, your wings have been cut; now you are free no more. Falling in love you become a possession: you possess and you allow somebody to possess you. You become a thing, and you try to convert the other person you have fallen in love with into a thing…
Possession… everybody goes on trying to possess: the beloved, the lover. This is no longer love. In fact when you possess a person, you hate, you destroy, you kill; you are a murderer. Love should give freedom; love IS freedom. Love will make the beloved more and more free, love will give wings, and love will open the vast sky. It cannot become a prison, an enclosure. But that love you don’t know because that happens only when you are aware; that quality of love comes only when there is awareness.  …. ~Osho, The Hidden Harmony #2    http://conversationswithlove.net/osho-on-love/

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O my Heart, where have you been?

Here, here, always here.

O my Heart, where have I been?

There, there, always there.

O my Heart, here I am — there you are!

Beloved ~ It’s been almost a month since we connected here. We both felt the absence yesterday. But, with such a full month, where do I start without you next to me — without the easy magic that just happens with you to share the words? So limping along on one leg, I try to say a few things.  Of course, it could be a whole chapter: The End of Endings and the Beginning of New Beginnings.

February 2011. In the background playing (for me) the steady decline into dying of my 94-year old mother.. And my being alone with her at home as it happened in my early childhood. And seeing more clearly than ever, that along with her dying and letting go of everything familiar, there was something very old to let die in me.

So finally off to Southern California for a long-awaited farewell with my son’s father, whatever his timing is to stick around in his altered body. It was all sweet and easy. And complete. And very special to see my son — to share his everyday life at Orange County speed, his working environment, and surprise celebration of his moving on to his own digs. So mom (me) could immediately start a list to send him from the ‘shell’ I do not take with me over the ocean to be near you soon. Makes a happy mom thinking of sending her son the basics for his first solo home. I lost a home, I leave a home, I find Home. He lost a home, now he leaves and finds a home. Shakey stuff, but what a deal!

And back to Seattle into the ‘thick of it’: my sister had stepped in for me taking care of our mom at home. So I returned to the scramble of figuring out what was right — for mom, for me, for the entire situation. And my sister encouraging me to let go. I am very thankful for her words.

Und Du, with all your much earlier and much deeper experience with groups and therapies (especially around Osho), I heard you encouraging me to do a weekend Systemic Family Constellations. And so there it was! It all happened last weekend in Seattle with Brigitte Sztab (American but German born): deeper into completions, deeper into release in tears and weeping, and so much juicy celebration and letting go of old familial hooks. And not alone, as has been my most recent pain. You listened, you understood, so you know. Du.

Ya, it took me this past week to return all the way from my family ‘Herculean tasks’ of the previous weeks, including the business and financial issues that crested just as the Constellations weekend began. Of course. On course. Alles connected. I just put my suitcases from the trip away yesterday. For me that’s something of a record.

But I cannot leave out your affair with T. After such a long flirtation! So we both have been quite busy since your last post in early February.  ~Bis Bald Beloved

"Quantum Leap"

T is for Tractor

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From: Punita
To: premniri
Sent: Sunday, January 23, 2011 1:23 PM
Subject: Re: thinking of you and being with love
BEloved ~
i am glad deep in my heart that this reached you. Just now 3 AM waking up to some understanding, some remembering and some softer tears healing, healing, healing.
Some understanding of the shock of the separation after the forgetting while we were together here that we were two.
and again it’s a little different YOUR leaving (than my leaving) the space where there was just flow and glow ………..
may be the space itself was ‘in shock’ — yes I think so. and that’s why it’s healthy that I am also away for a little time from here.
It is such a visceral thing, right down to stuff inside the cells.
Like a doc i saw just before you came. An African wild cat mother (lion? tiger? i forget) who hunts the snake that swallowed her single new born whole while she was out hunting for food to feed it, rips the snake apart to retrieve her baby still whole but dead, and for three days carries it around ‘grieving’. And they caught it all on tape.
Like that perhaps.
So now I go back to bed after waking up into this and feeling you there and not there, here and not here. and  ~one step at a time with you with me
~LP (loving punita) back to bed

From: premniri
To: Punita
Sent: Sunday, January 23, 2011 3:27 PM
Subject: Re: thinking of you and being with love

Oh babes,
you are so beautiful. But our togetherness-in-love-“baby” has not been swollowed, it is alive – may be sometimes going it’s own ways, so we have to get into track with it or search for it … . But baby is fresh, alive, growing into verticalness and unpredictable too.
I love you,
I love you,
I love you,
I love you,
I love you,
bis spaeter – KYAO (kiss you all over) LN (loving niri)

and …
Sent: Sunday, January 23, 2011 5:48 PM
Subject: ON AND ON AND DEEPER AND DEEPER ….
AND IT GOES ON AND ON AND DEEPER AND DEEPER ….
after returning to Germany last week I was filled with your love, with all love, all with love.
Having jetlag and back to working prozess I lost a little bit the inner connection through our hearts, the connection through love – somehow . We both recognized it was different then before Seattle.
Now longing=Sehnsucht is back in me as never before – I’m too small for it! How can I contain this? I have to grow into love – please help me, through being aware of all the little delicate moments we share … So precious so big so deep with you with you with you!
Beloved Punita, thank you, thank you existence for these unexpressible gifts …
Premniri

From: Punita
To: premniri
Sent: Wednesday, January 26, 2011 2:21 AM
Subject: celebrating with you

Feel so like celebrating with you.
what do I feel like celebrating?
well, for one, being today present to feeling so intimately aligned with you through and through.
Something in our ‘breakdown’ valley of last week, the conversation yesterday and today’s smoothie-ness and sharing and close closeness over phone.
Celebrating some steady shift forward vertically.
Celebrating just enjoying this moment of falling together, coming togethering…blog and all and all and all.
I go to my dinner snack, and this and that and relaxing …. and some better good sleep tonight and an early morning tomorrow.
All my caretaking done for today.
luv u ~LP

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