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Archive for the ‘in Longing’ Category

What to say! Until we either HAVE the time, or STEAL the time, to write the full stories of How We Met almost exactly One Year ago — this note will HAVE to do!  Do you remember it? I left my USB connector in your office where I had finally found a location at Oshostadt with some post-80’s internet access. I called to ask you PLEASE to send it to me ASAP in Berlin. And you DID! I got it the next day in a small white bubble wrap envelope with this note hastily tucked inside. It’s been snuggled under my laptop every since. I have the envelope too. After all, it has your address on it. So now I can find my way back to you again.

I see you sooner in Frankfurt, Beloved! With kisses galore. ~LP

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Beloved ~ So many Old Life odds and sodds for me to tie up here in Seattle — last week I got seriously Italian pazzo (close to insane).  Crazed with exhaustion, my body hurting everywhere, I kept looking desperately for a second pair of hands to help me clear and pack, plus take care of all the delayed completions that are just small steps away from Being F_ Finished! Like Alice’s White Rabbit all I could hear 24/7 was: I’m late, I’m late, I’m late!! Until I woke up in the middle of the night, my ‘little girl’ simply stating : I am just TOO SMALL for Saturn. So I called you to say so, out loud. And you picked up your office phone.

And something of how relaxed you were that night with me and ‘my little girl’, I suddenly found myself dropping deeper into loving with you. Like riding on an elevator that abruptly drops, as if it were to fall to the bottom of the elevator shaft, but it doesn’t. Still you feel it in your belly, a shaking jolt downward. And it grabbed me again by surprise, suddenly out-of-nowhere falling vertically-in-love deeper-with-you (oh it’s so hard-to-say exactly, you know).
Mother Goose & Grimm Of course, all there was to do was to change my flight to a later date, still not without it’s anxiety moment.  And then I could start relaxing into just letting delayed things be delayed, and take their Saturnine Time to complete. But until that moment I just could not imagine any delay in seeing you, in our coming together after all our Long Distance Relating — and serious Sehnsucht.

So, to celebrate little girls and elevators, this (new favorite) joke you read me a few months ago:

The elevator in a NY skyscraper is packed with people. Suddenly a tall man screams out in agony. Little Ernie looks up at his mother, “I don’t care, Mum,” he says, “it was in my face so I bit it.”

~your lady, your little girl, and mine ~LP

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Beloved Punita, you found the text about the Khajuraho temples – what OSHO said about going from the outer by experiencing it all to the inner = going inside the temple by sex.    Premniri
” … Those are Tantra temples, the MOST sacred temples that still exist on the earth; all other temples are ordinary, bourgeois. Only Khajuraho and Konarak, these two temples, have a different message which is not ordinary, which is extraordinary. Extraordinary because it is true.

What is their message?

If you have been to these temples, you will be surprised that on the outer sunlit walls there are ALL kinds of sexual postures — men and women making love in so many postures! conceivable and inconceivable, possible and impossible. All the walls are full of sex. One is shocked. One starts feeling: What obscenity! One wants to condemn, one wants to lower one’s eyes. One wants to escape. But that is not because of the temple but because of the priest AND his poison inside you.

Go inside. As you start moving inside the temple, the figures are less and less, and love starts changing. On the outer walls it is pure sexuality; as you start entering inside, you will find sex is disappearing. Couples are still there, in deep love, looking into each other’s eyes, holding hands, embracing each other, but sexuality is no more there. Go still deeper figures are even less. Couples are still there, but not even holding hands, not even touching. Go still deeper — and the couples have disappeared. Go still deeper….

At the innermost core of the temple what in the East we call the GHARBA, the womb — there is not a single figure. The crowd is gone, the many is gone. There is not even a window for the outside! No light comes from the outside; it is utter darkness, silence, calm and quiet. And there is not even a figure of a god — it is emptiness, it is nothingness.

The innermost core is nothingness and the outermost core is a carnival. The innermost core is meditation, samadhi, and the outermost core is sexuality. This is the whole life of man depicted. …”

from: Walk Without Feet, Fly Without Wings and Think Without Mind
Chapter 10

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Breakthrough

Enough is Enough!

I WANNA BE WITH U — ENUF FONE FOR US

OK! That l o n g phone conversation today — definitely the HARDEST! Do you agree? Or did I imagine it? Were you able to get some sleep? Eventually? Tell me!

After sitting on my cell in the car in the rain, I came back to the house  (stripped of all the little clutter that made it somewhat cozy, packing boxes everywhere in between) still on fire somewhere intense. I remembered my Silly Songs that got me through March/April. So I am singing/shouting them once more, this time on top of the volcano that says: ENUF FONE! This long-distance phase is over! Whaddya think, DU?

250 px - Grumpy_music

Punita's Silly Song

March 21 Doesn’t feel good — to be so far away from you

No way, No how, Anyhow, No Good!

Doesn’t feel correct — to see the moon so far from you

No sir, No how, Anyhow, NO GOOD!

Doesn’t feel right — to sleep so far away from you

No you, no here, by me, NO GOOD!

Macht kein spass — to be so weit weg  von Dir

Nicht gut, no how, No Sir, NICHT GUT!

Klingt nicht schoen — ich schlaf so weit(e) weg von Dir

Kein Du, bist hier, bei mir, NICHT GUT!

My Desktop in Spring

April 8

Doesn’t seem appropriate to feel the fone between us now

Was Fun. You bet! No more. No how!

Gibt’s keine ruhe to hold the fone between us jetzt

War toll. Aber bitte! Mein Gott, es reicht!!

PS When all else fails — post!  ~lp

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These 9 months I know you, beloved Punita, my life has been filled with paradoxes. Sounds strange … ? I’ve heard a wise man say: “If life is not a paradox then it is not alive”.

Here a list of well known paradoxes – contradictions – complemetaries, seemingly opposite, yet intimately connected:
day – night / yes – no / action – stillness / sound – silence / yin – yang / life – death / cats – dogs …
With you I experience deaper spaces. Here is my list:
Being 5.500 miles apart – yet feeling so intimately physically close /
With you it’s a thrill talking and joking about daily “horizontal” stuff –
at the same time I feel touched so deeply from inside, going together “vertical” , our souls holding hands /
Like in the tarot card “The Lovers” we jump on the grass, dancing around each other playful and free — at the same time we know it’s holy land, delicate and precious.
This past 9 months we phone-talked each day one to two hours — without one moment of boredom. Always at the end meeting and touching deep deep inside the heart, and even deeper maybe inside the cosmos (we call it our spaceship).
And this longing for oneness does not end and it should not end — so it’s throbbing alive, unending, a streaming mystery to be discovered …

~premniri

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YES!  YOU COME,
your flight ticket is done …
and our Libra stars — you found this “perfect” piece showing that love (ours included) must be made in heaven:
((May Prinz William and Kate’s stars today be similar ;-)))

bis spaeter Du,
premniri

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Nine Months since I called you feeling that I was  ‘going way out on a limb’ saying that I thought we should see each other before I left for the states. After just meeting you for the first time some few days before. Unexpected.

Nine Months since you took the train from Remptendorf to Berlin and spent the weekend with me in tree-lined  Steglitz apartment. Me packing, tying up some loose ends with Mahadevi, more packing. No plan what was happening. After all, we had only sat next to each other on the bench at Oshostadt, held hands and talked some. One kiss only.

Nine Months since you left back to your office near the forest, and I early the next morning back to Seattle after two months in Berlin. That Monday was the Mayan Calendar New Year.  That Sunday the first day we made some loving — my favorite ‘Day out of Time’. Definitely unrehearsed.

Nine Months since I hesitated just before telling you that I ‘felt pregnant’ after being with you that unexpected weekend in Berlin. I had waited a few days to say anything. But I knew the feeling. And you told me how it was for you riding back on the train. That you ‘felt pregnant’ …

And somewhere I remember saying very crisply clearly: I am a total yes to you. Whatever that meant. I had not rehearsed that line. It just spoke itself. I think I was cleaning the bathroom before I left the apartment ready for returning friends. I had asked you to help, and you did. I noticed how you helped. Everything felt easy.

And you commented that you weren’t allergic to me! And you brought all these great photos and stories of old girlfriends. We shared stories of old lovers. And our astrological charts — you brought them too! And your heart. And your depths. And your sex. And I think I talked quite a bit. We talked quite a bit. Taking it slow but intense.

We didn’t know anything. I felt a lot. We talked a lot on the phone. You came here, to Seattle, over New Year’s. And slowly, steadily, surely over the past nine months … oh, that’s for my next post …

After I pack and clean and pack some more and get this weekend’s Moving Sale behind me. But I had to take a moment today while the painters finish upstairs, and the real estate agent tries to convince me to invest $2000 in new carpeting. It’s all getting quite complete. It is complete.

And we have a date in Frankfurt on the 10th of June. How about that!?! Let’s see how this ‘baby’ turns out! After all there was no guarantee we would make it this far. Nine Months!  Yahoop! ~LP

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