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Beloved Lalit ~

With so much THANX for your visit this summer.

Especially the Conversations! And the Golf!

~luvmum

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FlyingHeartsBeloved L~ It’s almost one year since your Dad died. Prem Avinash. Invincible, Eternal Love as Osho named him as He gave him sannyas March ’75.

These last weeks Avinash has been vividly present for me — and a sharp ‘missing’. So this post w/quote to you in celebration of Happy Hearts Day (which we always celebrated together).

Neeraj sent it from Vancouver just yesterday with this note:

…In my own experience, in the service of grief and mourning, it seems that three years is a natural timing for the process to unwind itself with a truly significant person.  My mom’s departure will be 3 years ago in March, and I noted the same timing with others of importance.  
I have heard, Osho saying that he was ordinary, ‘if you cut me I bleed’ — so are each of us, like the elephants in their herds and other intelligent mammals, pre-programmed to care, and to learn and evolve out of grief and mourning, transformed.

Almost a year soon.  Happy Hearts Day! ~luvmum

THE HELPLESSNESS OF LOVE

My sister is dying. She has always been there for me whenever I needed anything; now when she needs me I feel so utterly helpless.

Whenever you love someone you feel totally helpless. That is the agony of love: one cannot feel what one can do. You want to do everything, you want to give the whole universe to the lover or the beloved, but what can you do? If you think that you can do this or that you are still not in a love relationship. Love is very helpless, absolutely helpless, and that helplessness is the beauty because in that helplessness you are surrendered.



Love someone and you will feel helpless; hate someone and you can do something. Love someone and you are absolutely helpless because what can you do? Whatsoever you can do seems insignificant and meaningless; it is never enough. Nothing can be done, and when one feels that nothing can be done, one feels that one is helpless. When one wants to do everything and feels nothing can be done, the mind stops. In this helplessness surrender happens. You are empty. That is why love becomes a deep meditation.
OSHO: The Book of Secrets, Talk #13

The moment of the death of someone you have loved deeply brings your own death into your mind. The moment of death is a great revelation. It makes you feel impotent and helpless. It makes you feel that you are not. The illusion of being disappears.

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Anybody will be shaken because suddenly you see that the ground underneath your feet has disappeared. You cannot do anything. Somebody is dying that you love: you would even like to give your life but you cannot. Nothing can be done; one simply waits in deep impotence.

That moment can make you depressed. That moment can make you sad or that moment can send you on a great journey for truth…a great journey into the search. What is this life? If death comes and takes it, what is this life? What meaning does it carry if one is so impotent against death? And remember, everybody is on his or her deathbed. After birth everybody is on his deathbed. There is no other way. All beds are deathbeds, because after birth only one thing is certain and that is death.

Somebody dies today, somebody tomorrow and somebody the day after tomorrow: what is the difference basically? Time cannot make much difference. Time can only create an illusion of life but the life that ends in death is not and cannot be the real life. It must be a dream.

Life is authentic only when it is eternal. Otherwise, what is the difference between a dream and what you call your life? In the night, in deep asleep, a dream is as true as anything is, as real — even more real than what you see with open eyes. By the morning it is gone, not even a trace is left. In the morning when you are awake you see it was a dream and not a reality. This dream of life continues for a few years; then suddenly one is awakened and the whole of life proves to be a dream.

Death is a great revelation. If there were no death there would be no religion. It is because of death that religion exists. It is because of death that a Buddha was born. All buddhas are born because of the realization of death.

When you go and sit by the side of a dying person feel sorry for yourself. You are in the same boat, in the same plight. Death will knock on your door any day. Be ready. Before death knocks, come back home. You should not be caught in the middle; otherwise this whole life disappears like a dream and you are left in tremendous poverty, an inner poverty.

Life, real life, never dies. Then who dies? You die. The “I” dies, the ego dies. The ego is part of death; life is not. So if you can be egoless, then there is no death for you. If you can drop the ego consciously, you have conquered death. If you are really aware you can drop it in a single step. If you are not so aware you will have to drop it gradually. That depends on you. But one thing is certain: the ego has to be dropped. With the disappearance of the ego, death disappears. With the dropping of the ego, death is also dropped.

Don’t feel sorry for the dying person, feel sorry for yourself. Let death surround you. Have the taste of it. Feel helpless, impotent. Who is feeling helpless and who is feeling impotent? The ego — because you see you cannot do anything. You would like to help her and you cannot. You would like her to survive but nothing can be done.

Feel this impotence as deeply as possible and out of this helplessness, a certain awareness, a prayerfulness and a meditation will arise. Use the person’s death; it is an opportunity. Use everything as an opportunity.

Be by their side. Sit silently and meditate. Let their death become a pointer to you so that you don’t go on wasting your life. The same is going to happen to you.                                               OSHO: The Search, Talk #10

http://www.oshoworld.com/discourses/audio.asp

To continue reading – and see all the available formats of this talk    http://www.osho.com/library/

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GATE, GATE, PARAGATE, PARASAMGATE 
  BODHISWAHA!     ALLELUIA!!

Gone, Gone, Gone Beyond, Gone Utterly Beyond.
Bodhiswaha!        Alleluia!!

Beloved Avinash ~

We did it all! And I couldn’t have done it without you.

So, since you didn’t take me with you,  
I — YES — renew my promise to you, sweet Avinash, 
to-finish-writing-the-book that you insisted only I could write.
Just like you said at the very beginning: “You MUST write it!”  
…you whispered to me at the end: “We had So Much fun!”

Sambuddha Swami Prem Avinash
  1937 — 2012

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So Mazeltov! Jack Avi Katz —

Elder brother to Rosie in Australia.
Far out father to Debra and Maya.
Fantastic Dad to our beloved son, Prem Lalit.
Fucking Fabulous BEST Osho partner to Ma Prem Punita Katz for 30+ years
 in the Osho buddhafield since London 1973 and everywhere we were together:
husband, Osho commune mate, cook extraordinaire, dharma companion, samurai — oldest, dearest friend always and forever. 

My heart is lying next to your heart — with no space in between. 
Thanks for turning the last light green! We had so much fun! 

Goodnight Avi! Always and forever “Invincibly, Eternally Love.”  ~LP

GATE, GATE, PARAGATE, PARASAMGATE 
  BODHISWAHA!     ALLELUIA!!

Gone, Gone, Gone Beyond, Gone Utterly Beyond.
Bodhiswaha!        Alleluia!!

(OSHO speaking on The Heart Sutra of Gautam the Buddha)

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Well, DU, what to say after almost four months since we met up in Frankfurt? I bet we both could say a lot — but where to start, where to go, and where to end? Yikes! OK, Punita, just jump in.

I’ll start here where I am now. Recuperating and recharging in the gentle small Dutch city of Boxmeer just a few minutes drive from the German border. OK, almost everything’s smaller in Holland —but recuperating from what? Well, soon after I got over considerable jet lag (yes it gets bigger with age), I plunged into three non-stop months of culture shock, culture clash, and just plain putting-my-foot-in-my-mouth more times than you could count. Plus the most serious bladder infection EVER. Finding myself in the boonies of (prior) East German (DDR) territory and suddenly being dependent for every-little-thing transport. Plus living and eating again in commune after years of being mostly on my own… Not to mention finally, actually being together with you, PremNiri, after a year diving into the heights and depths of what-all is possible long-distance communicating.

Boxmeer/Kleve 2011

In a few days I return to DU, to my new space at Oshostadt, and to Chapter Zwei of my new life 2011-12. And that’s where the ‘recharging’ comes in. I do feel ready for whatever comes ‘next.’ I hope you do, too. Somehow, the first three difficult and extremely stressful months were necessary, even essential. For me, for Du, for everyone.This ain’t some excuse for my expectations or lack of savoir faire — just a feeling that somehow all the stress and craziness were perfectly OK. But NOT to be repeated, or stuck in with any pockets of resentment or pain.

So, Jan is calling me for a last quick shop in mild-mannered Boxmeer.

…A few hours later, I have plenty of Dutch sweeties for the commune’s 16:00 sweet tooth and something for Siddhartha as well. For DU I have already a bag of belated birthday kisses, mostly your deep blue colour.

But before I sign off from the Netherlands, this courtesy of my host’s daughter who just celebrated her MA  thesis on the novelist George Eliot:

“Thee’st done it now,” said Mr. Poysner, a little alarmed and uneasy, but not without some triumphant amusement at his wife’s outbreak.

“Yes, I know I’ve done it, ” said Mrs. Poysner; “but I’ve had my say out, and I shall be th’ easier for’t all my life. There’s no pleasure i’ living, if you’re going to be corked up forever, and only dribble your mind out by the sly, like a leaky barrel. I shan’t repent saying what I think…” (Adam Bede)

Well, I won’t repent — or repeat — these first three months either, DU.  And I look forward to being with you again. ~LP

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What to say! Until we either HAVE the time, or STEAL the time, to write the full stories of How We Met almost exactly One Year ago — this note will HAVE to do!  Do you remember it? I left my USB connector in your office where I had finally found a location at Oshostadt with some post-80’s internet access. I called to ask you PLEASE to send it to me ASAP in Berlin. And you DID! I got it the next day in a small white bubble wrap envelope with this note hastily tucked inside. It’s been snuggled under my laptop every since. I have the envelope too. After all, it has your address on it. So now I can find my way back to you again.

I see you sooner in Frankfurt, Beloved! With kisses galore. ~LP

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Beloved PN ~ I mentioned Saturn in my last post without any explanation. I really did not want to add any more words to it. There’s probably a bit we both might say about what we’ve learned through our lives about Saturn’s influence and hard lessons… but maybe you could say a little something — astrologically speaking? When you have the time.  ~LP

Hubble Space Telescope image of a storm on Saturn

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Beloved ~ So many Old Life odds and sodds for me to tie up here in Seattle — last week I got seriously Italian pazzo (close to insane).  Crazed with exhaustion, my body hurting everywhere, I kept looking desperately for a second pair of hands to help me clear and pack, plus take care of all the delayed completions that are just small steps away from Being F_ Finished! Like Alice’s White Rabbit all I could hear 24/7 was: I’m late, I’m late, I’m late!! Until I woke up in the middle of the night, my ‘little girl’ simply stating : I am just TOO SMALL for Saturn. So I called you to say so, out loud. And you picked up your office phone.

And something of how relaxed you were that night with me and ‘my little girl’, I suddenly found myself dropping deeper into loving with you. Like riding on an elevator that abruptly drops, as if it were to fall to the bottom of the elevator shaft, but it doesn’t. Still you feel it in your belly, a shaking jolt downward. And it grabbed me again by surprise, suddenly out-of-nowhere falling vertically-in-love deeper-with-you (oh it’s so hard-to-say exactly, you know).
Mother Goose & Grimm Of course, all there was to do was to change my flight to a later date, still not without it’s anxiety moment.  And then I could start relaxing into just letting delayed things be delayed, and take their Saturnine Time to complete. But until that moment I just could not imagine any delay in seeing you, in our coming together after all our Long Distance Relating — and serious Sehnsucht.

So, to celebrate little girls and elevators, this (new favorite) joke you read me a few months ago:

The elevator in a NY skyscraper is packed with people. Suddenly a tall man screams out in agony. Little Ernie looks up at his mother, “I don’t care, Mum,” he says, “it was in my face so I bit it.”

~your lady, your little girl, and mine ~LP

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