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Saturnic clearings

Saturn – astrologically (as far my knowing goes) –  stands for crystallization, structure, truth.
In structuring our lives, his energy may be felt as disillusioning and harsh, especially when retrograde. But he helps to clear our dreamy stuff that may hinder a clear sight and space for life and actions.
For instance in our body the bones are the structure, where all organs, flesh and the liquid bloodsystem is rooted. Without it we would probably be big-blob amoebas still crawling on the oceans ground.
Bigger structures, like states and organisations in these years are “tested” for their truthful functioning and authenticity (through pluto in capricorn) …

Old man Finkelstein is brought to court for alleged rape. He pleads guilty by reason of insanity. “Insanity?” asks the judge. “You look perfectly sane to me.” Oh, I am,” says the old man. “It is sex I’m crazy about.”

Premniri

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Beloved ~ Again Osho finds me—us! This, today, from The Hidden Harmony I was listening to with lunch. ~LP

The Lovers, Osho Zen Tarot

The Lovers

Why do we use the term falling in love? It is a falling; you are falling, you are not rising. When you are aware, falling is not possible — not even in love. It is not possible, it is simply not possible. With awareness, it is impossible; you rise in love. And rising in love is a totally different phenomenon from falling in love. Falling in love is a dream state. That’s why people who are in love, you can see it from their eyes: as if they are more asleep than others, intoxicated, dreaming. You can see from their eyes because their eyes have a sleepiness. People who rise in love are totally different. You can see they are no more in a dream, they are facing the reality and they are growing through it.
Falling in love you remain a child; rising in love you mature. And by and by love becomes not a relationship, it becomes a state of your being. Then it is not that you love this and you don’t love that, no — you are simply love. Whosoever comes near you, you share with them. Whatsoever is happening, you give your love to it. You touch a rock and you touch as if you are touching your beloved’s body. You look at the tree and you look as if you are looking at your beloved’s face. It becomes a state of being. Not that you are in love — now you ARE love. This is rising, this is not falling.
Love is beautiful when you rise through it, and love becomes dirty and ugly when you fall through it. And sooner or later you will find that it proves poisonous, it becomes a bondage. You have been caught in it, your freedom has been crushed, your wings have been cut; now you are free no more. Falling in love you become a possession: you possess and you allow somebody to possess you. You become a thing, and you try to convert the other person you have fallen in love with into a thing…
Possession… everybody goes on trying to possess: the beloved, the lover. This is no longer love. In fact when you possess a person, you hate, you destroy, you kill; you are a murderer. Love should give freedom; love IS freedom. Love will make the beloved more and more free, love will give wings, and love will open the vast sky. It cannot become a prison, an enclosure. But that love you don’t know because that happens only when you are aware; that quality of love comes only when there is awareness.  …. ~Osho, The Hidden Harmony #2    http://conversationswithlove.net/osho-on-love/

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From: Punita
To: premniri
Sent: Sunday, January 23, 2011 1:23 PM
Subject: Re: thinking of you and being with love
BEloved ~
i am glad deep in my heart that this reached you. Just now 3 AM waking up to some understanding, some remembering and some softer tears healing, healing, healing.
Some understanding of the shock of the separation after the forgetting while we were together here that we were two.
and again it’s a little different YOUR leaving (than my leaving) the space where there was just flow and glow ………..
may be the space itself was ‘in shock’ — yes I think so. and that’s why it’s healthy that I am also away for a little time from here.
It is such a visceral thing, right down to stuff inside the cells.
Like a doc i saw just before you came. An African wild cat mother (lion? tiger? i forget) who hunts the snake that swallowed her single new born whole while she was out hunting for food to feed it, rips the snake apart to retrieve her baby still whole but dead, and for three days carries it around ‘grieving’. And they caught it all on tape.
Like that perhaps.
So now I go back to bed after waking up into this and feeling you there and not there, here and not here. and  ~one step at a time with you with me
~LP (loving punita) back to bed

From: premniri
To: Punita
Sent: Sunday, January 23, 2011 3:27 PM
Subject: Re: thinking of you and being with love

Oh babes,
you are so beautiful. But our togetherness-in-love-“baby” has not been swollowed, it is alive – may be sometimes going it’s own ways, so we have to get into track with it or search for it … . But baby is fresh, alive, growing into verticalness and unpredictable too.
I love you,
I love you,
I love you,
I love you,
I love you,
bis spaeter – KYAO (kiss you all over) LN (loving niri)

and …
Sent: Sunday, January 23, 2011 5:48 PM
Subject: ON AND ON AND DEEPER AND DEEPER ….
AND IT GOES ON AND ON AND DEEPER AND DEEPER ….
after returning to Germany last week I was filled with your love, with all love, all with love.
Having jetlag and back to working prozess I lost a little bit the inner connection through our hearts, the connection through love – somehow . We both recognized it was different then before Seattle.
Now longing=Sehnsucht is back in me as never before – I’m too small for it! How can I contain this? I have to grow into love – please help me, through being aware of all the little delicate moments we share … So precious so big so deep with you with you with you!
Beloved Punita, thank you, thank you existence for these unexpressible gifts …
Premniri

From: Punita
To: premniri
Sent: Wednesday, January 26, 2011 2:21 AM
Subject: celebrating with you

Feel so like celebrating with you.
what do I feel like celebrating?
well, for one, being today present to feeling so intimately aligned with you through and through.
Something in our ‘breakdown’ valley of last week, the conversation yesterday and today’s smoothie-ness and sharing and close closeness over phone.
Celebrating some steady shift forward vertically.
Celebrating just enjoying this moment of falling together, coming togethering…blog and all and all and all.
I go to my dinner snack, and this and that and relaxing …. and some better good sleep tonight and an early morning tomorrow.
All my caretaking done for today.
luv u ~LP

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From me to you long-distance in love. After our phone conversation today. Connecting once more at the roots. ~LP

“Although men and women have suffered together, creating all kinds of troubles for each other, there has not been in ten thousand years any revolution, any change in their relationships. What your parents have been doing, you are repeating. Your children will learn from you, and they will repeat it. You know that this is how life goes on … you remember your parents, or perhaps even your grandparents. And your children are learning everything from you, and they know this is the way life has to be lived. So if you want consolation, go somewhere else — any priest will be helpful: Catholic, Protestant, Hindu, Mohammedan, Jewish. I am not here for consolation. Consolation to me is poison.
I want to help you to see clearly how you are creating your own world. To me, you are your own world, and you are your world’s creator. Neither your past life nor any God is deciding what is happening in your life; you are the decisive factor. Take responsibility for it. Be strong, have some stamina, and make an effort to change. ” ~Osho, The New Dawn #12

“Love is one of the most precious experiences, but before you can love someone, you have to find yourself; otherwise, who is going to love? You don’t know anything about yourself. You are absolutely unconscious. In this unconsciousness, whatever you do is going to be wrong. ” ~Osho, The New Dawn #11

Gold nuggets from the OSHO library of His 400+ books. Excerpts of the numerous talks. www.osho.com, www.oshoworld.com.

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Beloved ~ I read your ‘beautiful dream’ and I am moved myself to just keep allowing Existence to carry me to you by whatever route is right. Yes, some shadows of ‘kicking and screaming’ and old habit to try to figure something out. Then remembering just letting go; falling into days of blissful relaxation and happiness streaming through me and all around. Trusting and yet aware of some lingering tensions in the background. I watched Drew Barrymore in that movie on long-distance relationships you saw coming over on the plane from Frankfurt. Today I had a few moments I just had to agree: long-distance relationship sucks! Not a complaint, just an observation. It’s the first time I wanted to say it. So something shifted forward since your visit. Some dream that has waited so long thru so many nights wants to be born into the light of day. Our day, our time, our life. Okay, a bit dramatic, but it is a full moon. I just feel to include this excerpt from Osho’s The New Dawn which I listened to early this morning. It’s got two great jokes at the end. i luv u, pn ~LP

…always remember: Life is not what we ordinarily experience it as. Life is much more, beyond our dreams, beyond our imaginations, beyond all our fantasies … Life is a tremendous mystery.
In a sense it is ordinary, but in a very special sense: I call it extraordinarily ordinary. Only the superficial can think of it as ordinary; otherwise, behind this apparently ordinary existence there are so many mysteries, incalculable — you just have to be open to it.
The tide is turning but it will depend on you, whether you allow it to turn or you prevent it from turning. The ordinary, normal life is not going to give you anything; it is just a burden, a drag from the cradle to the grave. Only if something of the spiritual starts happening do you start for the first time having some meaning, some significance, some blissfulness.

And as you become attuned to all these experiences, existence goes on opening new doors — doors upon doors, peaks upon peaks. And there is no end, the mystery is infinite.
On your part, all that is needed is a deep trust that wherever existence takes you, it is good. Go easily with it, without any reluctance, without any resistance, because a slight reluctance, a slight resistance immediately closes the doors.
Existence is very shy.
It never interferes in anybody’s life….

….Your consciousness is not limited within your body; it has the capacity to expand to the very limits of existence — if there are any limits. The center will remain in you, but the periphery will go on becoming bigger and bigger and bigger.
In the beginning it is certainly scary. But once you have taken the step with courage, with trust, the very experience that was looking risky becomes the most beautiful experience of life. You will ask for it, you will pray for it. Each moment you will wait for it. And this is nothing, this is only a small fragment. There are so many experiences which you may not have even heard about.
But they are all possible. You have the potential capacity for them, it is just that the society does not allow all those experiences. And society has a reason for it. If people start becoming exotic, outlandish, freaking out, suddenly dancing in the middle of the street blocking the traffic … the normal life will feel these people are disturbances….

….You are not ordinary, you are not normal — you are divine.
Once you become available to all such experiences, more and more will be coming to you. Just don’t remain confined to the world of things and objects and money and power and sensuality. Try to become more and more a man of consciousness, awareness, sincerity and truthfulness.

The New Dawn
Chap #23: Existence is very shy
www.osho.com
www.oshoworld.com

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Above the Roots: Intro to Our Glossary

HIS mother-tongue German from generations of Westfalian farmers through Bavarian commune life into the city streets of Munich and Berlin to the forests of Thueringia, learning damn good English along the way (her opinion, not his). Marinated in over 20 years listening to Osho speak His unmistakably enlightened English, Sanskrit and Hindi … plus some commune colloquialisms and techno babble.

HER second generation American English from the streets of New Jersey (soaked in ‘coffee & cauliflower’) to London’s multi-cultural bohemian life of the early 70′s, mixed in with a generous smattering of Johannesburg jargon, Jewish of course. Add some years speaking Kindergarten Deutsch et Svenska en situ although she never could write either.

He & She seeking ways of reaching into each other, inquiring into how it was happening for the ‘other’. Slowly coming together without the luxury of touch or smell. Finding new ways of expressing the sudden new love and longing (Sehnsucht) of two surprised Beloveds finding themselves with mostly language for long-distance loving. Speaking strong feelings and private thoughts — sometimes for the first time. All above the silent roots, that is.

So she thought we could help you out a bit with her 60+ years of  American slang, colloquialisms, etc. And our frequent lapses into some Deutsch and American which is often simply untranslatable: the German depths challenging, the Americanisms simply very fun to play with. I had no idea how liberally she used them until these last five months talking long-distance!

~LP more later.

She just discovered the German poet Schiller had something to say about Sehnsucht too. (Schiller’s Ode to Joy was later used by Ludwig van Beethoven in his Ninth Symphony.)  And also the poet Walt Whitman and CS Lewis. And we two will also have to put in ‘our 2 cents’ about Sehnsucht as our conversations with Love continue … nicht wahr, mein Schatz? Damn tootin’, babe!

For starters, here’s what Wikipedia has to say about Sehnsucht. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sehnsucht

Sehnsucht is a German noun translated as “longing”, “yearning”… or in a wider sense a type of “intensely missing”. However, Sehnsucht is almost impossible to translate adequately and describes a deep emotional state… The stage director and author Tabori called Sehnsucht one of those quasi-mystical terms in German for which there is no satisfactory corresponding term in another language. Sehnsucht is a compound word, originating from an ardent longing or yearning (das Sehnen) and addiction (die Sucht). However, these words do not adequately encapsulate the full meaning of their resulting compound, even when considered together…

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Good Morning Schnucks! I woke up wondering ‘when is a Page also a Post?’ … and then I started to scribble, illegibly as usual, with tea and LightBox shining on another gloomy Seattle morning. Thought I would get the first lines onto the Edit Post window but just kept writing. Feeling hung-over from staying up too late with the Golden Globe Awards and still waking up at 5:30. I’ll edit photos later, add tags, and fiddle with the About Us Page. Tell me what you think. I listened to the last part of The New Dawn #20 before falling asleep. More about that also. Later. ~LP

I was born in the wastelands of New Jersey, a stone’s throw from the Twin Towers of 9/11 fame. My father had been discharged from the army mostly deaf after being blasted by a German sub torpedo. I never heard the whole story. My grandfathers, whom I never met, had come over from Italy south of Rome, and from Poland south of Krakow near the old Czech border. Rocco and Mary came together in New York City through the family doctor where she worked as receptionist cum nurse. My sister came along seven years later. Only further along in life did I come clear how those first seven years were for ‘my little girl’ home alone with a Polish/Italian match made well outside of heaven’s gates. It takes some time for all the pieces of the puzzle to fall together in the more remote corners of one’s being.

Original Cover

Madeline the original cover

Somehow I started school early at 4 1/2, the youngest in my class. I loved to read. I loved to be out of the flat on Grove Street which was also temporary home to my mother’s brothers Gus and Adolf as she brought them over one by one from ‘Europe’, as she referred to home. My hero was Ludwig Bemelman’s Madeline: She was not afraid of mice, she loved winter, snow and ice. To the tiger in the zoo, Madeline just said “pooh. pooh!”. Later my heroines were Antigone and the Delphic Oracle. I became a serious little girl, an even more serious teenager.

When my sister was born we moved to a real house with trees on the street and a park nearby. What an improvement! I got to know every tree on that street and every swing in the park. Just how high I could swing before going over the top bar. How the street lights shown through the new leaves in early Spring. We had a real Maple just outside our house. The rest was concrete, even the backyard, although the neighbors had grass. Riding the bus every morning to an all girls’ academy I became terribly worried, and actually convinced, that under all that concrete the Earth had ‘gone away’. That there was really only a thin sheet of hard gray, and the Earth had moved somewhere else where it still could be seen and walked on.

Adventures in the Park

I got to make mud pies and have outdoor adventures a few times a year visiting my two cousins in Connecticut. My father’s older sisters Mary and Rose, Mary’s kids Danny Boy and Anne Marie. I still remember the first time they tried to teach me to make a somersault on the grass. Me who had to keep her Sunday clothes spotlessly clean in her real life with Mary and Rocco.

Danny hung himself in Central Park while I was in India. Anne Marie had an irate husband throw acid in her face in her first year as a womens’ rights lawyer in NYC. My times with them, always Tom Sawyer adventures ‘without the adults‘ (as we referred to them always) were until recently the only happy memories I could access from my childhood. Danny remained somewhat of a Peter Pan; my sister became his playing partner while I had angelic visions, daytime visitations from Zeus, and fell in love with dead poets. Truly embarrassing. But true.

After 12 years of Catholic education including playing harp in the orchestra and four years of Latin I landed at Antioch College, the original campus in Yellow Springs. I put everything in one trunk and intended never to go back. Arlene, my best friend through high school, had capped the scholarship for Radcliffe but chose Sarah Lawrence. My first choice had been Barnard (the womens’ wing of Columbia) but the scholarship did not cover room and board so I would have to live at home. Not an option. It was off to Ohio and my oh-so naive fantasy of what College would be like: I would study Philosophy, wear a robe and sandals like my Franciscan uncle who baptized me and make love a lot.

I was a virgin until I was 21 and this is getting a bit long for an About Us. Maybe this is a good spot for an old-fashioned Intermission … i luv u, pn ~lp

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