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Posts Tagged ‘Conversations’

Breakthrough

Enough is Enough!

I WANNA BE WITH U — ENUF FONE FOR US

OK! That l o n g phone conversation today — definitely the HARDEST! Do you agree? Or did I imagine it? Were you able to get some sleep? Eventually? Tell me!

After sitting on my cell in the car in the rain, I came back to the house  (stripped of all the little clutter that made it somewhat cozy, packing boxes everywhere in between) still on fire somewhere intense. I remembered my Silly Songs that got me through March/April. So I am singing/shouting them once more, this time on top of the volcano that says: ENUF FONE! This long-distance phase is over! Whaddya think, DU?

250 px - Grumpy_music

Punita's Silly Song

March 21 Doesn’t feel good — to be so far away from you

No way, No how, Anyhow, No Good!

Doesn’t feel correct — to see the moon so far from you

No sir, No how, Anyhow, NO GOOD!

Doesn’t feel right — to sleep so far away from you

No you, no here, by me, NO GOOD!

Macht kein spass — to be so weit weg  von Dir

Nicht gut, no how, No Sir, NICHT GUT!

Klingt nicht schoen — ich schlaf so weit(e) weg von Dir

Kein Du, bist hier, bei mir, NICHT GUT!

My Desktop in Spring

April 8

Doesn’t seem appropriate to feel the fone between us now

Was Fun. You bet! No more. No how!

Gibt’s keine ruhe to hold the fone between us jetzt

War toll. Aber bitte! Mein Gott, es reicht!!

PS When all else fails — post!  ~lp

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O my Heart, where have you been?

Here, here, always here.

O my Heart, where have I been?

There, there, always there.

O my Heart, here I am — there you are!

Beloved ~ It’s been almost a month since we connected here. We both felt the absence yesterday. But, with such a full month, where do I start without you next to me — without the easy magic that just happens with you to share the words? So limping along on one leg, I try to say a few things.  Of course, it could be a whole chapter: The End of Endings and the Beginning of New Beginnings.

February 2011. In the background playing (for me) the steady decline into dying of my 94-year old mother.. And my being alone with her at home as it happened in my early childhood. And seeing more clearly than ever, that along with her dying and letting go of everything familiar, there was something very old to let die in me.

So finally off to Southern California for a long-awaited farewell with my son’s father, whatever his timing is to stick around in his altered body. It was all sweet and easy. And complete. And very special to see my son — to share his everyday life at Orange County speed, his working environment, and surprise celebration of his moving on to his own digs. So mom (me) could immediately start a list to send him from the ‘shell’ I do not take with me over the ocean to be near you soon. Makes a happy mom thinking of sending her son the basics for his first solo home. I lost a home, I leave a home, I find Home. He lost a home, now he leaves and finds a home. Shakey stuff, but what a deal!

And back to Seattle into the ‘thick of it’: my sister had stepped in for me taking care of our mom at home. So I returned to the scramble of figuring out what was right — for mom, for me, for the entire situation. And my sister encouraging me to let go. I am very thankful for her words.

Und Du, with all your much earlier and much deeper experience with groups and therapies (especially around Osho), I heard you encouraging me to do a weekend Systemic Family Constellations. And so there it was! It all happened last weekend in Seattle with Brigitte Sztab (American but German born): deeper into completions, deeper into release in tears and weeping, and so much juicy celebration and letting go of old familial hooks. And not alone, as has been my most recent pain. You listened, you understood, so you know. Du.

Ya, it took me this past week to return all the way from my family ‘Herculean tasks’ of the previous weeks, including the business and financial issues that crested just as the Constellations weekend began. Of course. On course. Alles connected. I just put my suitcases from the trip away yesterday. For me that’s something of a record.

But I cannot leave out your affair with T. After such a long flirtation! So we both have been quite busy since your last post in early February.  ~Bis Bald Beloved

"Quantum Leap"

T is for Tractor

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From: Punita
To: premniri
Sent: Sunday, January 23, 2011 1:23 PM
Subject: Re: thinking of you and being with love
BEloved ~
i am glad deep in my heart that this reached you. Just now 3 AM waking up to some understanding, some remembering and some softer tears healing, healing, healing.
Some understanding of the shock of the separation after the forgetting while we were together here that we were two.
and again it’s a little different YOUR leaving (than my leaving) the space where there was just flow and glow ………..
may be the space itself was ‘in shock’ — yes I think so. and that’s why it’s healthy that I am also away for a little time from here.
It is such a visceral thing, right down to stuff inside the cells.
Like a doc i saw just before you came. An African wild cat mother (lion? tiger? i forget) who hunts the snake that swallowed her single new born whole while she was out hunting for food to feed it, rips the snake apart to retrieve her baby still whole but dead, and for three days carries it around ‘grieving’. And they caught it all on tape.
Like that perhaps.
So now I go back to bed after waking up into this and feeling you there and not there, here and not here. and  ~one step at a time with you with me
~LP (loving punita) back to bed

From: premniri
To: Punita
Sent: Sunday, January 23, 2011 3:27 PM
Subject: Re: thinking of you and being with love

Oh babes,
you are so beautiful. But our togetherness-in-love-“baby” has not been swollowed, it is alive – may be sometimes going it’s own ways, so we have to get into track with it or search for it … . But baby is fresh, alive, growing into verticalness and unpredictable too.
I love you,
I love you,
I love you,
I love you,
I love you,
bis spaeter – KYAO (kiss you all over) LN (loving niri)

and …
Sent: Sunday, January 23, 2011 5:48 PM
Subject: ON AND ON AND DEEPER AND DEEPER ….
AND IT GOES ON AND ON AND DEEPER AND DEEPER ….
after returning to Germany last week I was filled with your love, with all love, all with love.
Having jetlag and back to working prozess I lost a little bit the inner connection through our hearts, the connection through love – somehow . We both recognized it was different then before Seattle.
Now longing=Sehnsucht is back in me as never before – I’m too small for it! How can I contain this? I have to grow into love – please help me, through being aware of all the little delicate moments we share … So precious so big so deep with you with you with you!
Beloved Punita, thank you, thank you existence for these unexpressible gifts …
Premniri

From: Punita
To: premniri
Sent: Wednesday, January 26, 2011 2:21 AM
Subject: celebrating with you

Feel so like celebrating with you.
what do I feel like celebrating?
well, for one, being today present to feeling so intimately aligned with you through and through.
Something in our ‘breakdown’ valley of last week, the conversation yesterday and today’s smoothie-ness and sharing and close closeness over phone.
Celebrating some steady shift forward vertically.
Celebrating just enjoying this moment of falling together, coming togethering…blog and all and all and all.
I go to my dinner snack, and this and that and relaxing …. and some better good sleep tonight and an early morning tomorrow.
All my caretaking done for today.
luv u ~LP

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From me to you long-distance in love. After our phone conversation today. Connecting once more at the roots. ~LP

“Although men and women have suffered together, creating all kinds of troubles for each other, there has not been in ten thousand years any revolution, any change in their relationships. What your parents have been doing, you are repeating. Your children will learn from you, and they will repeat it. You know that this is how life goes on … you remember your parents, or perhaps even your grandparents. And your children are learning everything from you, and they know this is the way life has to be lived. So if you want consolation, go somewhere else — any priest will be helpful: Catholic, Protestant, Hindu, Mohammedan, Jewish. I am not here for consolation. Consolation to me is poison.
I want to help you to see clearly how you are creating your own world. To me, you are your own world, and you are your world’s creator. Neither your past life nor any God is deciding what is happening in your life; you are the decisive factor. Take responsibility for it. Be strong, have some stamina, and make an effort to change. ” ~Osho, The New Dawn #12

“Love is one of the most precious experiences, but before you can love someone, you have to find yourself; otherwise, who is going to love? You don’t know anything about yourself. You are absolutely unconscious. In this unconsciousness, whatever you do is going to be wrong. ” ~Osho, The New Dawn #11

Gold nuggets from the OSHO library of His 400+ books. Excerpts of the numerous talks. www.osho.com, www.oshoworld.com.

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Above the Roots: Intro to Our Glossary

HIS mother-tongue German from generations of Westfalian farmers through Bavarian commune life into the city streets of Munich and Berlin to the forests of Thueringia, learning damn good English along the way (her opinion, not his). Marinated in over 20 years listening to Osho speak His unmistakably enlightened English, Sanskrit and Hindi … plus some commune colloquialisms and techno babble.

HER second generation American English from the streets of New Jersey (soaked in ‘coffee & cauliflower’) to London’s multi-cultural bohemian life of the early 70′s, mixed in with a generous smattering of Johannesburg jargon, Jewish of course. Add some years speaking Kindergarten Deutsch et Svenska en situ although she never could write either.

He & She seeking ways of reaching into each other, inquiring into how it was happening for the ‘other’. Slowly coming together without the luxury of touch or smell. Finding new ways of expressing the sudden new love and longing (Sehnsucht) of two surprised Beloveds finding themselves with mostly language for long-distance loving. Speaking strong feelings and private thoughts — sometimes for the first time. All above the silent roots, that is.

So she thought we could help you out a bit with her 60+ years of  American slang, colloquialisms, etc. And our frequent lapses into some Deutsch and American which is often simply untranslatable: the German depths challenging, the Americanisms simply very fun to play with. I had no idea how liberally she used them until these last five months talking long-distance!

~LP more later.

She just discovered the German poet Schiller had something to say about Sehnsucht too. (Schiller’s Ode to Joy was later used by Ludwig van Beethoven in his Ninth Symphony.)  And also the poet Walt Whitman and CS Lewis. And we two will also have to put in ‘our 2 cents’ about Sehnsucht as our conversations with Love continue … nicht wahr, mein Schatz? Damn tootin’, babe!

For starters, here’s what Wikipedia has to say about Sehnsucht. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sehnsucht

Sehnsucht is a German noun translated as “longing”, “yearning”… or in a wider sense a type of “intensely missing”. However, Sehnsucht is almost impossible to translate adequately and describes a deep emotional state… The stage director and author Tabori called Sehnsucht one of those quasi-mystical terms in German for which there is no satisfactory corresponding term in another language. Sehnsucht is a compound word, originating from an ardent longing or yearning (das Sehnen) and addiction (die Sucht). However, these words do not adequately encapsulate the full meaning of their resulting compound, even when considered together…

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Friday, January 7th, 2011. What a Hoot! After connecting for five months via phone, email, and Skype’s nifty Chatterbox we’ve finally come together in Seattle for our first ‘test run’ — 12 full days together. Hallelujah! Since July 29th so much sharing, talking, tears and turn-ons evolve into a twin inspiration: “The Love Project”.  And — after 6 days of talking (of course) and sampling each other and various other intimacies — we find ourselves playing with my iPOD trying to figure out how to record some of these mind-boggling, heart-to-heart conversations and the possibility of this “Love Project” being a book we write together. That night we watch “Julie & Julia”. Aber Hallo! It’s obvious. Begin with a Blog. Day 7 : Hello WordPress, Goodbye blog virgins. After an all-day marathon mouse-ing over ‘widgets & wombats’ and various other WordPress tutorials, our brains are fried and we are so hungry. And that’s how our Plog Soup starts.  … more soon with love ~Premniri & Punita

Our FIRST Video, our FIRST YouTube, our FIRST week together —
and our SECOND Pumpkin Soup.
 UnExpected, UnPlanned, and UnRehearsed.

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