Nine Months Today

Nine Months since I called you feeling that I was  ‘going way out on a limb’ saying that I thought we should see each other before I left for the states. After just meeting you for the first time some few days before. Unexpected.

Nine Months since you took the train from Remptendorf to Berlin and spent the weekend with me in tree-lined  Steglitz apartment. Me packing, tying up some loose ends with Mahadevi, more packing. No plan what was happening. After all, we had only sat next to each other on the bench at Oshostadt, held hands and talked some. One kiss only.

Nine Months since you left back to your office near the forest, and I early the next morning back to Seattle after two months in Berlin. That Monday was the Mayan Calendar New Year.  That Sunday the first day we made some loving — my favorite ‘Day out of Time’. Definitely unrehearsed.

Nine Months since I hesitated just before telling you that I ‘felt pregnant’ after being with you that unexpected weekend in Berlin. I had waited a few days to say anything. But I knew the feeling. And you told me how it was for you riding back on the train. That you ‘felt pregnant’ …

And somewhere I remember saying very crisply clearly: I am a total yes to you. Whatever that meant. I had not rehearsed that line. It just spoke itself. I think I was cleaning the bathroom before I left the apartment ready for returning friends. I had asked you to help, and you did. I noticed how you helped. Everything felt easy.

And you commented that you weren’t allergic to me! And you brought all these great photos and stories of old girlfriends. We shared stories of old lovers. And our astrological charts — you brought them too! And your heart. And your depths. And your sex. And I think I talked quite a bit. We talked quite a bit. Taking it slow but intense.

We didn’t know anything. I felt a lot. We talked a lot on the phone. You came here, to Seattle, over New Year’s. And slowly, steadily, surely over the past nine months … oh, that’s for my next post …

After I pack and clean and pack some more and get this weekend’s Moving Sale behind me. But I had to take a moment today while the painters finish upstairs, and the real estate agent tries to convince me to invest $2000 in new carpeting. It’s all getting quite complete. It is complete.

And we have a date in Frankfurt on the 10th of June. How about that!?! Let’s see how this ‘baby’ turns out! After all there was no guarantee we would make it this far. Nine Months!  Yahoop! ~LP

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It rains in Seattle ~ lp under the clouds

He is all over my place! But not so that I can touch him, see him across the breakfast table, or hear him breathe in the night. How long before I get up the courage to wash ‘his’ bath towel? Three days ago he flew back to Germany and I am still finding pumpkin soup plops all over the kitchen. Those are easy to wipe away, although not with my usual cleaning frenzy! Oi, oi, oi!

I learned “oi” being married to two Jewish boys from opposite ends of the earth (New York and South Africa) whom I remember gratefully and very fondly as this/my New Life takes a giant leap into being really Really. My birthday is coming up soon. My astrological birdies tell me that Uranus is conjunct with Jupiter —a repeat of mid-July when I met ‘him’ at Oshostadt while traveling with Mahadevi. A Vedic astrologer once assured me that a non-stop tough 19-year Saturn cycle that started with a bomb in 1992 would end in 2011. Is it any wonder that I am feeling disoriented?

But it is more than that. Right after our quick good-bye hug (our first photo) before driving back to Berlin, I was asked: so how was your visit..? I heard myself replying: My life has been entirely altered. This moment feels exactly like a higher octave of that first parting. Ach, what am I talking about. Do I miss him? Yes. And not exactly. The pull I feel of whatever and whatall is possible is strong and sure. I can feel it right in front of my eyes. I am standing in it. I always thought the best years of my life were yet to come. Here. They. Are. Happy Birthday, Girl!  i luv u, pn  ~LP

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