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Posts Tagged ‘Sehnsucht’

Breakthrough

Enough is Enough!

I WANNA BE WITH U — ENUF FONE FOR US

OK! That l o n g phone conversation today — definitely the HARDEST! Do you agree? Or did I imagine it? Were you able to get some sleep? Eventually? Tell me!

After sitting on my cell in the car in the rain, I came back to the house  (stripped of all the little clutter that made it somewhat cozy, packing boxes everywhere in between) still on fire somewhere intense. I remembered my Silly Songs that got me through March/April. So I am singing/shouting them once more, this time on top of the volcano that says: ENUF FONE! This long-distance phase is over! Whaddya think, DU?

250 px - Grumpy_music

Punita's Silly Song

March 21 Doesn’t feel good — to be so far away from you

No way, No how, Anyhow, No Good!

Doesn’t feel correct — to see the moon so far from you

No sir, No how, Anyhow, NO GOOD!

Doesn’t feel right — to sleep so far away from you

No you, no here, by me, NO GOOD!

Macht kein spass — to be so weit weg  von Dir

Nicht gut, no how, No Sir, NICHT GUT!

Klingt nicht schoen — ich schlaf so weit(e) weg von Dir

Kein Du, bist hier, bei mir, NICHT GUT!

My Desktop in Spring

April 8

Doesn’t seem appropriate to feel the fone between us now

Was Fun. You bet! No more. No how!

Gibt’s keine ruhe to hold the fone between us jetzt

War toll. Aber bitte! Mein Gott, es reicht!!

PS When all else fails — post!  ~lp

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Nine Months since I called you feeling that I was  ‘going way out on a limb’ saying that I thought we should see each other before I left for the states. After just meeting you for the first time some few days before. Unexpected.

Nine Months since you took the train from Remptendorf to Berlin and spent the weekend with me in tree-lined  Steglitz apartment. Me packing, tying up some loose ends with Mahadevi, more packing. No plan what was happening. After all, we had only sat next to each other on the bench at Oshostadt, held hands and talked some. One kiss only.

Nine Months since you left back to your office near the forest, and I early the next morning back to Seattle after two months in Berlin. That Monday was the Mayan Calendar New Year.  That Sunday the first day we made some loving — my favorite ‘Day out of Time’. Definitely unrehearsed.

Nine Months since I hesitated just before telling you that I ‘felt pregnant’ after being with you that unexpected weekend in Berlin. I had waited a few days to say anything. But I knew the feeling. And you told me how it was for you riding back on the train. That you ‘felt pregnant’ …

And somewhere I remember saying very crisply clearly: I am a total yes to you. Whatever that meant. I had not rehearsed that line. It just spoke itself. I think I was cleaning the bathroom before I left the apartment ready for returning friends. I had asked you to help, and you did. I noticed how you helped. Everything felt easy.

And you commented that you weren’t allergic to me! And you brought all these great photos and stories of old girlfriends. We shared stories of old lovers. And our astrological charts — you brought them too! And your heart. And your depths. And your sex. And I think I talked quite a bit. We talked quite a bit. Taking it slow but intense.

We didn’t know anything. I felt a lot. We talked a lot on the phone. You came here, to Seattle, over New Year’s. And slowly, steadily, surely over the past nine months … oh, that’s for my next post …

After I pack and clean and pack some more and get this weekend’s Moving Sale behind me. But I had to take a moment today while the painters finish upstairs, and the real estate agent tries to convince me to invest $2000 in new carpeting. It’s all getting quite complete. It is complete.

And we have a date in Frankfurt on the 10th of June. How about that!?! Let’s see how this ‘baby’ turns out! After all there was no guarantee we would make it this far. Nine Months!  Yahoop! ~LP

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Beloved PremNiri ~ You know what’s happening for me here:— end of my Old Life, last months of a grueling 19-year Saturn cycle, bridge to New Life. You know ’cause you’ve been listening, really listening. So much my heart overflows with thank you’s and I get lost in gratefulness. Too much waves of weeping suddenly roll over me, and I am singing and dancing again to you, to Osho, to U.

Jodhaa Akbar I

Jodhaa and Akbar Coming Together

So, before I post some of my Silly Songs, these two for U. Some mix of both these love songs in my woman coming together with you:
Baby, Come to Me with the exquisite touch of Anita Baker in duet;
Beyond the Intimacies of the Moment came along in recent days in the Hindi movie Jodhaa Akbar.
I am hearing its Indian melody over and over into the night, and it is waiting for me in the morning.
~LP singin’ in the seattle rains

Jodhaa Akbar Hands

Jodhaa Akbar Meeting Together

…Spending my lunchtime to keep you talkin’ on the line
That’s how it was …
And all those walks together out in any kind of weather
Just because …
There’s a special kind of magic in the air
When you find another heart that has to share … Baby, come come to me …

In Lamhon Ke Damaan Mein (Full Song) or In Lambon Ke Mein — YouTube International
Beyond the Intimacies of the Moment lyrics with translation

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Beloved ~ So much (too muchness) these days. No space to post, lots waiting to be said. In the meantime this OMD song you sent me months ago comes back over and over. Something of the strength of it. Great for dancing these dying days. I almost forgot. To dance. ~lp

… If you want it, it will come, through the rain and burning sun.

Over hills and far away, nothing stops this, not today.

Take a chance on me tonight, everything will be alright.

Nothing ventured, nothing gained, nothing lost but all the tears and pain …

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X8NPoNKL6xc

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6sDPEJpjmq8&feature=fvwrel

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Right after your last post, Bogart’s famous line in Casablanca landed on my lips and would not go away.  But how to translate this romantic classic into German, or even English? Ich seh Dir in die Augen, Kleines — not exactly! But after searching meanings and definitions in GoogleLand I am happy to report that no one seems to be able to translate it— or explain it just precisely!

So, here’s lookin’ at you, kid!  Scientifically speaking. ~LP

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O my Heart, where have you been?

Here, here, always here.

O my Heart, where have I been?

There, there, always there.

O my Heart, here I am — there you are!

Beloved ~ It’s been almost a month since we connected here. We both felt the absence yesterday. But, with such a full month, where do I start without you next to me — without the easy magic that just happens with you to share the words? So limping along on one leg, I try to say a few things.  Of course, it could be a whole chapter: The End of Endings and the Beginning of New Beginnings.

February 2011. In the background playing (for me) the steady decline into dying of my 94-year old mother.. And my being alone with her at home as it happened in my early childhood. And seeing more clearly than ever, that along with her dying and letting go of everything familiar, there was something very old to let die in me.

So finally off to Southern California for a long-awaited farewell with my son’s father, whatever his timing is to stick around in his altered body. It was all sweet and easy. And complete. And very special to see my son — to share his everyday life at Orange County speed, his working environment, and surprise celebration of his moving on to his own digs. So mom (me) could immediately start a list to send him from the ‘shell’ I do not take with me over the ocean to be near you soon. Makes a happy mom thinking of sending her son the basics for his first solo home. I lost a home, I leave a home, I find Home. He lost a home, now he leaves and finds a home. Shakey stuff, but what a deal!

And back to Seattle into the ‘thick of it’: my sister had stepped in for me taking care of our mom at home. So I returned to the scramble of figuring out what was right — for mom, for me, for the entire situation. And my sister encouraging me to let go. I am very thankful for her words.

Und Du, with all your much earlier and much deeper experience with groups and therapies (especially around Osho), I heard you encouraging me to do a weekend Systemic Family Constellations. And so there it was! It all happened last weekend in Seattle with Brigitte Sztab (American but German born): deeper into completions, deeper into release in tears and weeping, and so much juicy celebration and letting go of old familial hooks. And not alone, as has been my most recent pain. You listened, you understood, so you know. Du.

Ya, it took me this past week to return all the way from my family ‘Herculean tasks’ of the previous weeks, including the business and financial issues that crested just as the Constellations weekend began. Of course. On course. Alles connected. I just put my suitcases from the trip away yesterday. For me that’s something of a record.

But I cannot leave out your affair with T. After such a long flirtation! So we both have been quite busy since your last post in early February.  ~Bis Bald Beloved

"Quantum Leap"

T is for Tractor

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From me to you long-distance in love. After our phone conversation today. Connecting once more at the roots. ~LP

“Although men and women have suffered together, creating all kinds of troubles for each other, there has not been in ten thousand years any revolution, any change in their relationships. What your parents have been doing, you are repeating. Your children will learn from you, and they will repeat it. You know that this is how life goes on … you remember your parents, or perhaps even your grandparents. And your children are learning everything from you, and they know this is the way life has to be lived. So if you want consolation, go somewhere else — any priest will be helpful: Catholic, Protestant, Hindu, Mohammedan, Jewish. I am not here for consolation. Consolation to me is poison.
I want to help you to see clearly how you are creating your own world. To me, you are your own world, and you are your world’s creator. Neither your past life nor any God is deciding what is happening in your life; you are the decisive factor. Take responsibility for it. Be strong, have some stamina, and make an effort to change. ” ~Osho, The New Dawn #12

“Love is one of the most precious experiences, but before you can love someone, you have to find yourself; otherwise, who is going to love? You don’t know anything about yourself. You are absolutely unconscious. In this unconsciousness, whatever you do is going to be wrong. ” ~Osho, The New Dawn #11

Gold nuggets from the OSHO library of His 400+ books. Excerpts of the numerous talks. www.osho.com, www.oshoworld.com.

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Above the Roots: Intro to Our Glossary

HIS mother-tongue German from generations of Westfalian farmers through Bavarian commune life into the city streets of Munich and Berlin to the forests of Thueringia, learning damn good English along the way (her opinion, not his). Marinated in over 20 years listening to Osho speak His unmistakably enlightened English, Sanskrit and Hindi … plus some commune colloquialisms and techno babble.

HER second generation American English from the streets of New Jersey (soaked in ‘coffee & cauliflower’) to London’s multi-cultural bohemian life of the early 70′s, mixed in with a generous smattering of Johannesburg jargon, Jewish of course. Add some years speaking Kindergarten Deutsch et Svenska en situ although she never could write either.

He & She seeking ways of reaching into each other, inquiring into how it was happening for the ‘other’. Slowly coming together without the luxury of touch or smell. Finding new ways of expressing the sudden new love and longing (Sehnsucht) of two surprised Beloveds finding themselves with mostly language for long-distance loving. Speaking strong feelings and private thoughts — sometimes for the first time. All above the silent roots, that is.

So she thought we could help you out a bit with her 60+ years of  American slang, colloquialisms, etc. And our frequent lapses into some Deutsch and American which is often simply untranslatable: the German depths challenging, the Americanisms simply very fun to play with. I had no idea how liberally she used them until these last five months talking long-distance!

~LP more later.

She just discovered the German poet Schiller had something to say about Sehnsucht too. (Schiller’s Ode to Joy was later used by Ludwig van Beethoven in his Ninth Symphony.)  And also the poet Walt Whitman and CS Lewis. And we two will also have to put in ‘our 2 cents’ about Sehnsucht as our conversations with Love continue … nicht wahr, mein Schatz? Damn tootin’, babe!

For starters, here’s what Wikipedia has to say about Sehnsucht. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sehnsucht

Sehnsucht is a German noun translated as “longing”, “yearning”… or in a wider sense a type of “intensely missing”. However, Sehnsucht is almost impossible to translate adequately and describes a deep emotional state… The stage director and author Tabori called Sehnsucht one of those quasi-mystical terms in German for which there is no satisfactory corresponding term in another language. Sehnsucht is a compound word, originating from an ardent longing or yearning (das Sehnen) and addiction (die Sucht). However, these words do not adequately encapsulate the full meaning of their resulting compound, even when considered together…

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He is all over my place! But not so that I can touch him, see him across the breakfast table, or hear him breathe in the night. How long before I get up the courage to wash ‘his’ bath towel? Three days ago he flew back to Germany and I am still finding pumpkin soup plops all over the kitchen. Those are easy to wipe away, although not with my usual cleaning frenzy! Oi, oi, oi!

I learned “oi” being married to two Jewish boys from opposite ends of the earth (New York and South Africa) whom I remember gratefully and very fondly as this/my New Life takes a giant leap into being really Really. My birthday is coming up soon. My astrological birdies tell me that Uranus is conjunct with Jupiter —a repeat of mid-July when I met ‘him’ at Oshostadt while traveling with Mahadevi. A Vedic astrologer once assured me that a non-stop tough 19-year Saturn cycle that started with a bomb in 1992 would end in 2011. Is it any wonder that I am feeling disoriented?

But it is more than that. Right after our quick good-bye hug (our first photo) before driving back to Berlin, I was asked: so how was your visit..? I heard myself replying: My life has been entirely altered. This moment feels exactly like a higher octave of that first parting. Ach, what am I talking about. Do I miss him? Yes. And not exactly. The pull I feel of whatever and whatall is possible is strong and sure. I can feel it right in front of my eyes. I am standing in it. I always thought the best years of my life were yet to come. Here. They. Are. Happy Birthday, Girl!  i luv u, pn  ~LP

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