Feeds:
Posts
Comments

Posts Tagged ‘Togetherness’

Well, DU, what to say after almost four months since we met up in Frankfurt? I bet we both could say a lot — but where to start, where to go, and where to end? Yikes! OK, Punita, just jump in.

I’ll start here where I am now. Recuperating and recharging in the gentle small Dutch city of Boxmeer just a few minutes drive from the German border. OK, almost everything’s smaller in Holland —but recuperating from what? Well, soon after I got over considerable jet lag (yes it gets bigger with age), I plunged into three non-stop months of culture shock, culture clash, and just plain putting-my-foot-in-my-mouth more times than you could count. Plus the most serious bladder infection EVER. Finding myself in the boonies of (prior) East German (DDR) territory and suddenly being dependent for every-little-thing transport. Plus living and eating again in commune after years of being mostly on my own… Not to mention finally, actually being together with you, PremNiri, after a year diving into the heights and depths of what-all is possible long-distance communicating.

Boxmeer/Kleve 2011

In a few days I return to DU, to my new space at Oshostadt, and to Chapter Zwei of my new life 2011-12. And that’s where the ‘recharging’ comes in. I do feel ready for whatever comes ‘next.’ I hope you do, too. Somehow, the first three difficult and extremely stressful months were necessary, even essential. For me, for Du, for everyone.This ain’t some excuse for my expectations or lack of savoir faire — just a feeling that somehow all the stress and craziness were perfectly OK. But NOT to be repeated, or stuck in with any pockets of resentment or pain.

So, Jan is calling me for a last quick shop in mild-mannered Boxmeer.

…A few hours later, I have plenty of Dutch sweeties for the commune’s 16:00 sweet tooth and something for Siddhartha as well. For DU I have already a bag of belated birthday kisses, mostly your deep blue colour.

But before I sign off from the Netherlands, this courtesy of my host’s daughter who just celebrated her MA  thesis on the novelist George Eliot:

“Thee’st done it now,” said Mr. Poysner, a little alarmed and uneasy, but not without some triumphant amusement at his wife’s outbreak.

“Yes, I know I’ve done it, ” said Mrs. Poysner; “but I’ve had my say out, and I shall be th’ easier for’t all my life. There’s no pleasure i’ living, if you’re going to be corked up forever, and only dribble your mind out by the sly, like a leaky barrel. I shan’t repent saying what I think…” (Adam Bede)

Well, I won’t repent — or repeat — these first three months either, DU.  And I look forward to being with you again. ~LP

Read Full Post »

Oh sweet beloved. The little note with the sparcling heart (under your laptop now) – I had forgotten about it. But I love it – after one year longdistance now – it’s still the same sparcling feeling!!!
WE MEET IN TWO DAYS!!!
It’s getting physical and our everydays phonecalls diving-into-each-other are the foreplay for the new phase in beeing together …

see you in Frankfurt
Premniri

Read Full Post »

“Kein Du, bist hier, bei mir, NICHT GUT!”

After so many months of foreplay YOU COME over

to Premniris place in Oshostadt.
And after so many moments of SEHNSUCHT through the phone, finally ….

Premniri

Read Full Post »

Breakthrough

Enough is Enough!

I WANNA BE WITH U — ENUF FONE FOR US

OK! That l o n g phone conversation today — definitely the HARDEST! Do you agree? Or did I imagine it? Were you able to get some sleep? Eventually? Tell me!

After sitting on my cell in the car in the rain, I came back to the house  (stripped of all the little clutter that made it somewhat cozy, packing boxes everywhere in between) still on fire somewhere intense. I remembered my Silly Songs that got me through March/April. So I am singing/shouting them once more, this time on top of the volcano that says: ENUF FONE! This long-distance phase is over! Whaddya think, DU?

250 px - Grumpy_music

Punita's Silly Song

March 21 Doesn’t feel good — to be so far away from you

No way, No how, Anyhow, No Good!

Doesn’t feel correct — to see the moon so far from you

No sir, No how, Anyhow, NO GOOD!

Doesn’t feel right — to sleep so far away from you

No you, no here, by me, NO GOOD!

Macht kein spass — to be so weit weg  von Dir

Nicht gut, no how, No Sir, NICHT GUT!

Klingt nicht schoen — ich schlaf so weit(e) weg von Dir

Kein Du, bist hier, bei mir, NICHT GUT!

My Desktop in Spring

April 8

Doesn’t seem appropriate to feel the fone between us now

Was Fun. You bet! No more. No how!

Gibt’s keine ruhe to hold the fone between us jetzt

War toll. Aber bitte! Mein Gott, es reicht!!

PS When all else fails — post!  ~lp

Read Full Post »

YES!  YOU COME,
your flight ticket is done …
and our Libra stars — you found this “perfect” piece showing that love (ours included) must be made in heaven:
((May Prinz William and Kate’s stars today be similar ;-)))

bis spaeter Du,
premniri

Read Full Post »

Nine Months since I called you feeling that I was  ‘going way out on a limb’ saying that I thought we should see each other before I left for the states. After just meeting you for the first time some few days before. Unexpected.

Nine Months since you took the train from Remptendorf to Berlin and spent the weekend with me in tree-lined  Steglitz apartment. Me packing, tying up some loose ends with Mahadevi, more packing. No plan what was happening. After all, we had only sat next to each other on the bench at Oshostadt, held hands and talked some. One kiss only.

Nine Months since you left back to your office near the forest, and I early the next morning back to Seattle after two months in Berlin. That Monday was the Mayan Calendar New Year.  That Sunday the first day we made some loving — my favorite ‘Day out of Time’. Definitely unrehearsed.

Nine Months since I hesitated just before telling you that I ‘felt pregnant’ after being with you that unexpected weekend in Berlin. I had waited a few days to say anything. But I knew the feeling. And you told me how it was for you riding back on the train. That you ‘felt pregnant’ …

And somewhere I remember saying very crisply clearly: I am a total yes to you. Whatever that meant. I had not rehearsed that line. It just spoke itself. I think I was cleaning the bathroom before I left the apartment ready for returning friends. I had asked you to help, and you did. I noticed how you helped. Everything felt easy.

And you commented that you weren’t allergic to me! And you brought all these great photos and stories of old girlfriends. We shared stories of old lovers. And our astrological charts — you brought them too! And your heart. And your depths. And your sex. And I think I talked quite a bit. We talked quite a bit. Taking it slow but intense.

We didn’t know anything. I felt a lot. We talked a lot on the phone. You came here, to Seattle, over New Year’s. And slowly, steadily, surely over the past nine months … oh, that’s for my next post …

After I pack and clean and pack some more and get this weekend’s Moving Sale behind me. But I had to take a moment today while the painters finish upstairs, and the real estate agent tries to convince me to invest $2000 in new carpeting. It’s all getting quite complete. It is complete.

And we have a date in Frankfurt on the 10th of June. How about that!?! Let’s see how this ‘baby’ turns out! After all there was no guarantee we would make it this far. Nine Months!  Yahoop! ~LP

Read Full Post »

From: Punita
To: premniri
Sent: Sunday, January 23, 2011 1:23 PM
Subject: Re: thinking of you and being with love
BEloved ~
i am glad deep in my heart that this reached you. Just now 3 AM waking up to some understanding, some remembering and some softer tears healing, healing, healing.
Some understanding of the shock of the separation after the forgetting while we were together here that we were two.
and again it’s a little different YOUR leaving (than my leaving) the space where there was just flow and glow ………..
may be the space itself was ‘in shock’ — yes I think so. and that’s why it’s healthy that I am also away for a little time from here.
It is such a visceral thing, right down to stuff inside the cells.
Like a doc i saw just before you came. An African wild cat mother (lion? tiger? i forget) who hunts the snake that swallowed her single new born whole while she was out hunting for food to feed it, rips the snake apart to retrieve her baby still whole but dead, and for three days carries it around ‘grieving’. And they caught it all on tape.
Like that perhaps.
So now I go back to bed after waking up into this and feeling you there and not there, here and not here. and  ~one step at a time with you with me
~LP (loving punita) back to bed

From: premniri
To: Punita
Sent: Sunday, January 23, 2011 3:27 PM
Subject: Re: thinking of you and being with love

Oh babes,
you are so beautiful. But our togetherness-in-love-“baby” has not been swollowed, it is alive – may be sometimes going it’s own ways, so we have to get into track with it or search for it … . But baby is fresh, alive, growing into verticalness and unpredictable too.
I love you,
I love you,
I love you,
I love you,
I love you,
bis spaeter – KYAO (kiss you all over) LN (loving niri)

and …
Sent: Sunday, January 23, 2011 5:48 PM
Subject: ON AND ON AND DEEPER AND DEEPER ….
AND IT GOES ON AND ON AND DEEPER AND DEEPER ….
after returning to Germany last week I was filled with your love, with all love, all with love.
Having jetlag and back to working prozess I lost a little bit the inner connection through our hearts, the connection through love – somehow . We both recognized it was different then before Seattle.
Now longing=Sehnsucht is back in me as never before – I’m too small for it! How can I contain this? I have to grow into love – please help me, through being aware of all the little delicate moments we share … So precious so big so deep with you with you with you!
Beloved Punita, thank you, thank you existence for these unexpressible gifts …
Premniri

From: Punita
To: premniri
Sent: Wednesday, January 26, 2011 2:21 AM
Subject: celebrating with you

Feel so like celebrating with you.
what do I feel like celebrating?
well, for one, being today present to feeling so intimately aligned with you through and through.
Something in our ‘breakdown’ valley of last week, the conversation yesterday and today’s smoothie-ness and sharing and close closeness over phone.
Celebrating some steady shift forward vertically.
Celebrating just enjoying this moment of falling together, coming togethering…blog and all and all and all.
I go to my dinner snack, and this and that and relaxing …. and some better good sleep tonight and an early morning tomorrow.
All my caretaking done for today.
luv u ~LP

Read Full Post »

Older Posts »